Tuesday, December 30, 2003

 
Mad Cow???

I know what all them cows are mad about. It's all them government regulators in the meat industry. When I get back from my vacation, I'll be sure to get to a little more de-regulifying. That should calm all of them boviners down. I sure as hell aint worried. Then again, when you own your own heifers, what's to worry about?

So anyhoo, back to my ranch for a little R & R. Thank god Hillary didn't want to go off visiting troops again over the holiday, cuz I sure as shit didn't feel like havin' to tromp across the globe again. In fact, I'm going to do a few jello shots and crawl into the First Lady's bed and try to get some annual Christmas lovin'! I'll show her what I mean when I say everything is bigger in Texas!
Drewcifer posted this at 1:11 AM.

Tuesday, December 23, 2003

 
Wesley Clark don't know shit about "Bait n' Switch"

He calls my Iraq war a "Bait 'n switch"? That cowardly fucker doesn't know what the hell a bait 'n switch is. I'll show y'all what a real bait 'n switch is:

First the story about how Sadaam was really captured comes out, so all I do is get Ridge to raise the Terror Threat Alert to Orange. Now everybody is a'runnin' scared, and don't nobody care about Sadaam anymore.

And whatever happens, I come out smellin' like the Yalla Rose of Texas: if there actually is a terrorist attack, I just put Unka Dick in his hidey-hole, line the streets with cops with shooty-guns and play that "strong leader in times of trouble" role that folks just love. And if there ain't a terror attack, then I can always say, "Look how well we pertected y'all! Now donate more cash to the RNC!" It's like that joke Mama used to always tell me: Ever seen an elephant hide in a tree? No? They hide really well then, don't they!

Besides, I just love a little booga booga in time for the holidays.
Drewcifer posted this at 10:24 PM.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

 
It's nearly the birthday of our Lord & Savior.

I reckon all the good little protestant boys and girls of the world would like a Genuine War Hero Action Figure.
Drewcifer posted this at 1:55 PM.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

 
I GOT SADAAM!!!

And all I did was spend the weekend at Camp David! Man that was easy! It doesn't really mean a damn thing in the long run, but it sure makes me and Rummy look good!

Hell, Howard Dean can just lick my Texas-sized trouser-trout now.

It's not like anyone is effected by the economy anyway. People are so stupid. Besides, unemployment just dropped! 6.0% to 5.9%!!! Yep, I'm the greatest.

Now it's time to go to the moon!
Drewcifer posted this at 10:41 PM.

Tuesday, December 09, 2003

 
Some fellers have told me that this web page aint coming up. Someone told me it's just Ashcroft funning with me. I reckon that it's just a problem with this blogger site, and things'll be working again soon. I'd hate to see blogger.com end up to be a miserable failure...

Anyway, congress is on their break, which I guess means I can take a break too, right? I've been at this job almost three years and I tell ya, this 20 hour work week is exhausting. I'd like to see a lesser man pull off this kind of schedule. Hell, I only get eight weeks off a year.
Drewcifer posted this at 4:00 AM.

Monday, December 01, 2003

 
The Media gobbling up my layover at the Bagdhad Airport like a colored welfare recipient on a ham sammich! Everyone has so much positive stuff to say about it! My ratings are going up again, and people love me! Thank the Good Lord up above that I brought the boys from Fox News along.

And it sure as hell wasn't a campaign stop. I didn't charge of them dern Gee-eyes $2000 bucks for their plate! Then again, the turkey I served was the one I supposedly pardoned. Fried 'em just like I did back in Texas, I tell ya!
Drewcifer posted this at 11:11 PM.